Dealing With Rude People - 15 Communication Tips
What is rudeness and how to deal with it
Rudeness is a kind of incorrect behavior that is difficult to characterize, and nevertheless, we all know what it is. Faced with rudeness, we suffer not only from resentment, but also from the inability to resist it. Are there any unambiguous ways to respond to rudeness?
How to understand what exactly is rude to you?
When faced with a boor at work, on the street, in a circle of friends and even in a family, the first question will be Am I really rude or is the person just having a hard day ? The normal feeling in such a situation is confusion, because the attack of a boor is always unexpected and felt as undeserved and inadequate. That is why it is often impossible to react quickly, as the first few minutes are spent evaluating the actions of the offender.
There is an opinion that it is more expensive to enter into an argument with a boor, in contrast to a reaction to rudeness, arrogance and insolence. As the writer Sergei Dovlatov correctly defined, rudeness is arrogance, insolence, and rudeness combined, multiplied by impunity.
It is also true that the most difficult part of the task, how to react to rudeness, is to immediately determine whether you can put such a person in his place, teach a lesson, or not.
Rudeness is etched into memory for a long time, not because it contains some particularly offensive words, but because it puts you in a humiliating position, from which, as it seems to your offender, you cannot get out. Strictly speaking, this is his goal - to put you in a puddle, preferably in front of witnesses.
Bullies think they are fighting for power
To understand the basis of this behavior, you need to dig deeper. After all, boors and boors are not just out of nothing to do to seize others, which is what brawlers, unbalanced, rude and others do. The level of rudeness is the level of claims from the sphere of who is in charge.
In society, unfortunately, a hierarchical method flourishes, in which they strive to squeeze you into some caste - either those who can stand up for themselves, or unrequited weaklings. The meanness is that people are rude only to those who obviously cannot defend themselves, for example, you do not have time to answer, you have to restrain yourself because you are busy, because children, bosses are looking at you, or you are too well brought up and do not stoop to abuse by status and revenge.
And here it is a sweet moment for a boor - you can beat with impunity. Actuallyit is the psychology of a slave, a weak oppressed member of society, who for a moment gained power in order to recoup at least someone. The most telling example of this feeling of impunity is rudeness on the roads, because everyone is hidden in his car and thinks that they will not catch up. So to speak, he dropped the bomb and left.
So the first thing you can protect yourself with is a clear understanding of the goal of the boor and his level of personality development. As soon as you see that it is such a person who is attacking you, immediately identify him in the category of angry slaves who have lost the right to friendly communication with you on an equal footing. And at this moment, decide what will be the right thing to do - to be rude in response, keep silent, leave, or pretend that you do not understand Russian.
Choosing tactics according to the situation
First, let's discuss how to behave with people with whom you do not have a long-term relationship - a passer-by, a person in line, a driver on the road, a casual acquaintance at a party.
If you were rudely naughty, humiliated on some topic (due to the fact that you are a woman, in appearance, for some of your statements), then you have a choice:
- do not remain in debt, comment - then we learn to be rude in response;
- skip by, ignore, only this requires nerves of steel.
Please note, the last option is not for the vulnerable. You know yourself well enough to determine if you’ll remember the rude buster for another week, if you’ll run through the answers to the guy from the party who acted like a troll from the Internet, how long will your mood deteriorate and if you will lose confidence without punishing the boor.
If this is about you, it is better to memorize phrases and techniques of the so-called psychological aikido. By cleverly answering the boor, you will calm down and quickly forget the incident.
It's another matter if there is constant harassment against you from your husband or employee. It's good if you have a quick reaction and, as they say, needles under your tongue. Rudeness will not become chronic if it is stopped from the first try, and also makes the attacker an idiot in the eyes of other people.
But this is ideal, but in life we forgive and tolerate, especially when we do not want to spoil the relationship, we convince ourselves that the offender just had a hard day, he did not stand up and so on. And for our philanthropy and loyalty, we usually get not a reward, but a situation when a boor sits on his neck and hits his heels in the eyes. What to do if the boor loses his girdle?
Fight against a rude boss
A boss with boorish manners is a problem that needs to be solved, and urgently. As you already understood, he will not stop until he destroys your sense of self-respect and dignity, and does not disdain the most disgusting methods.
How to resist rudeness at work? If we are talking about a colleague, you can call a person to a one-on-one conversation and calmly, but very clearly, communicate what exactlyyou are offended, along the way, threatening that if he or she does not calm down, you will raise the issue at the level of subordination, and his (her) will be taken down by the bosses.
But if you have to besiege the leader, it is better not to communicate with him face to face. Conflict in the presence of employees: he is rude, and you demonstrate calmness and focus at work. Ask how his attacks relate to your responsibilities, whether he finished with caustic remarks and if you can get to work.
You can be even more indignant at what right he goes to person, you actually work here and did not come to his home. Speak all this in a calm tone so that you cannot be reproached with disrespect.
With the boss, you are initially not on equal terms, so transfer the conflict to the professional sphere: if he thinks that he can spoil your mood with impunity, take revenge on him in a working order - refuse overtime tasks, do not take work home, leave the workplace with accurate to the minute, turn off enthusiasm. Link his attacks with the results of your work, let him see that his rudeness will cost him dearly.
How to teach your husband a lesson for rudeness
This is where iron self-discipline is needed. Playing war games in the family is a road to nowhere. Warring parents' children suffer and get sick, mother-in-law and mother-in-law's pressure rises, and the marriage itself is overgrown with such a negative that the ending can be sad.
What else will NOT help fix a rude husband? For example, a frank conversation in the kitchen with resentment and an appeal to conscience. Hams rely on their impunity, remember? They have no conscience! A family council in 50% of cases will end with your tears, otherwise - with a wall of misunderstanding and even an attempt by a bitter spouse to knock you off your arrogance.
You can refuse to have sex with your husband, as most women believe. This is really not a punishment! A cold war begins with him, not a reeducation, and a man, if he really becomes impudent and becomes a scoundrel before your eyes, will regard this as your weakest attempt to resist: they say, is this all you can?
So what's the right thing to do? The wisest decision you can make is simple to understand but difficult to execute. You need to move away from the man, but at the same time to impeccably fulfill your duties towards him.
- say hello, answer questions on the merits, prepare food, wash, clean, act as a hostess, if a guest comes to him, sleep in the same bed;
- we do not talk about everyday trifles, we hide what we think about, we don’t delve into how he is doing, we don’t care if he likes everything, we don’t caress, we don’t kiss, we don’t look after, we don’t support at a party;
- aerobatics - having sex without feelings (for real bitches).
Got the principle? Play the role of spouse formally. Asks what is the matter, answer: Stopto be rude - you will have family warmth, but for now - so! . Men cannot stand coldness, even the most notorious boor will break. Or rather, he will learn wisdom and will not take revenge.
Learn to get out of conflicts beautifully, and if necessary, re-educate your loved ones, and the problem of rudeness will not bother you!