110) How to get Rid of Shyness - Practical Advice
Practical advice on how to get rid of shyness
Uncertainty is hard to overcome because it's a double label. First, they are rewarded by others, and then you hang it on yourself. The good news is that a conscious personality trait can be overcome: think how much worse it would be if you weren't even aware of the flaw to get rid of.
How to overcome congenital shyness and insecurity
Some scientists consider shyness as an inborn and even hereditary factor. What is the benefit to us? The fact is that the same scientists noticed that people with asthenic type of nervous system tend to be shy. We take this fact into account.
If you consider yourself an asthenic, work to strengthen your body and spirit:
- physiotherapy exercises, yoga, swimming;
- hardening procedures, massage;
- daily routine, regular meals;
- walks and wellness trips (resort, sanatorium);
- B vitamins, calcium and magnesium preparations.
Your inferiority complex is unfounded
A real inferiority complex means that you have some serious flaw - your body is noticeably different from others, there are defects in speech, thinking, and so on. An inferiority complex in a loser, unemployed, unmarried ... continue on your own - this is not the case.
You may lack strength, joy and happiness, you may have a sluggish temperament, save mental resources (to put it simply, be blunt), be quick-tempered, unpleasant in communication, and something else - but remember, you are NOT inferior. You are suffering on the wrong topic, forget about it, turn to other, real problems. Think about it until you feel like you're letting go.
Stop being a victim of the past
Let's say one of the episodes in your life has hurt you in the past. Now, getting into a similar situation, with your mind you understand that everything is different, but emotionally you are clamped down - hence the behavior that causes you discomfort,and is regarded by others as shyness. What to do and how to overcome shyness?
We are sentient beings - use this. Just as you proved to yourself that the situation can repeat itself with the same consequences (pain, humiliation, stupor), direct all your efforts to suggest to yourself: nothing repeats exactly. The past is the past, you learn from it, and do not degrade. Use techniques that are closer to you: auto-training, free writing, visualization.
Disguise disadvantages as advantages
Shy women, unlike men, have a head start: society does not perceive them as sociopaths, on the contrary, this can create you the glory of a refined nature, a woman with charm, a woman of mystery. Dress your timidity with graceful manners - and this will be your advantage.
The negativism of shyness in the eyes of others is due to the fact that it is difficult to achieve a reaction from timid ones, they practically do not agree to anything and strive to get away from contact. How to get rid of shyness in this case?
It's just that now you don't run in any uncomfortable situation, but suggest your own version:
- Are you offered to sing in karaoke in the company? - refuse, but offer to make a witty toast;
- a friend calls as a toastmaster at the wedding? - refuse, but promise her all kinds of help and support at the event;
- the chef encourages you to perform with a masquerade number at the corporate party? - refuse, but declare that you take care of the sound equipment, pizza delivery, etc.
- everything! - you are not shy, you are responsible and reasonable.
Learn to fight for your positions in small things
Sociologists are not psychologists, they are more cruel to timid people and see them as conflict-free cowards who cannot stand up for themselves and prefer to merge with the masses. But there is a big difference between cowardice and embarrassment.
You will not stand silently when some boor climbs to you with ridiculous claims? Strong emotions and feelings of injustice will raise a storm of indignation in you - you will answer.
Another thing is that in mild, everyday situations, when you seem to be offended, but not too much, it is impossible to bring emotions to the surface - and you will be silent.
Provocateurs are always next to each of us, and if you feel that you are culturally seized, considering you a bleating sheep and an unrequited creature, do not think that this will stop by itself. Leaving a party, quitting a job, leaving a resort is not an option. What to do?
Answer. Say something. Confident and loud voice. The first thing that came to mind. Shout out Enough !. Just do not retreat, do not try to smile with dignity and destroy the enemy with a glance - this is a way for the charismatic (if you practice, you can too).
Cry whencall those around you to intervene ( What are you standing for ?! Take this idiot away from me !!! ), throw yourself with a pen, a notebook, in short, imitate a reaction.
Believe me, it's better to look rude, stupid, on edge, making an elephant out of a fly - anything, but not a mumble that swallows any offense.
If the conflict is so mild that the previous advice is inadequate, practice passive-aggressive behavior. Are you being sarcastically let down by your husband's friends? Are employees joking, getting nervous, trying to squeeze into the lowest rung of the hierarchy? Distant relatives have come to your head and humiliate you with a honey voice?
Cut them all off: I'm not even interested in what you are chatting right now, go drink beer , You're kind of weird, me need to work, don't distract , Stop gossiping and bragging, let's set the table already . You got away from the conflict - and you defended yourself, elementary.
Often shy people feel like outsiders, unlike anyone else, separate and misunderstood. If that's your problem, don't despair. Strange woman, strange ... - sung in the song, and the song, by the way, is about love. Weird people are loved, interested, admired and fascinated, and the same applies to you, unless you are too lazy to present your peculiarities as originality.
Better, of course, to work on character, to learn shortly, but lively and interestingly to communicate, to be aware of new products and have a non-standard opinion. If this is still difficult for you, go for the trick - get an exotic hobby. If this is not feasible now, emphasize your individuality with at least a piece of clothing. Believe it or not, even an unusual scarf can become your trademark.
What is it for? So you send a clear signal to the people who are in contact with you: I am unusual. And they love the unusual. Now you no longer need to mentally prepare for a meeting - instead, others will puzzle over how to find an approach to you. Most importantly, act like an artist: your originality should be really beautiful.
The desire to please people lets you down
The desire to please is inherent in absolutely everyone, but if it provokes shyness, then you are not just looking for a healthy response, but want to constantly feel approval from people.
The worries that you will not be accepted make you tormented by doubts - what if you say or do something ridiculous, and those around you will forever remember and associate it personally with you? It turns out that it is better to remain silent, step aside, hide.
But this is a dead-end way of communication. Repeat like a mantra: I am not a ruble to please everyone . Perhaps you have an inadequate assessment of yourself in the eyes of loved ones, take the Cattell system test to find out. Either way, you nrGive people more than you think.
How to overcome your shyness in communication? Stop feeling like the most important thing is to please the other person. You cannot know what an unfamiliar person really expects from you and what will be pleasant for him and what will irritate him.
Concentrate better in order to be friendly and behave intelligently. Read about effective ways to conduct a conversation in a variety of ways, from socialite to light flirting. Your maximalism - either being the most pleasant, or avoiding communication altogether - is unnecessary.
They say that shy ones, like obsessive talkers, have too big ambitions, but there is no way to realize them. Yes, you cannot conquer the whole world and seduce every interlocutor, but you can achieve self-confidence. In your case, raising the bar means becoming neutral in communication, and over time it will turn into ease.
In any society, this is highly valued. And whoever wants to get to know you better will surely find a zest with you, even behind the mask of shyness.