How To Properly Raise A Child
How to raise a son correctly?
A man in a family should be a support and support. Therefore, if a son is born in the family, each parent wants him to grow up strong, independent and courageous. But attempts to develop these qualities do not always lead to the desired effect, often one has to observe the exact opposite result.
In this case, it is worth asking how to properly raise your son and what mistakes should be avoided? Where is it necessary to show firmness and perseverance, and where to allow the child to make independent decisions? How to develop firmness of character, but not stubbornness? There are some general rules that apply not only to gender education. Let's take a look at them.
Rules for parenting
Before talking about raising a good son, it is worth remembering that, first of all, you need to take care of the happiness of the little child. This is what needs to be based on in education.
In order for the baby to grow up joyful and happy, the following recommendations must be strictly followed:
- Often say that you love him. It is important for children to know about love and support from
parents. After all, soon the little man will come out into people and will feel the influence of the environment. Therefore, it is extremely important to instill confidence that the child is accepted and loved for who he is;
- Eliminate extremes. Your child must accept your authority. But in no case is it authoritarianism or its full permissiveness. This point is also important because it is the style of upbringing that determines future relationships with others. Children are easier to contact when they are friendly;
- Support and encouragement are extremely important for the child's mental development. Yes, punishments for misconduct should be mandatory, but not a continuous series of punishments. This will give birth to an inferiority complex in the baby;
- Allow more than deny. And if you do not, then constructively explain why. The answer is because it is impossible children do not accept and try to understand from their own experience the reason for the ban. This also applies to the very form of restrictions - instead of negative phrases, use affirmative ones, so words are not perceived as a prohibition: Speak respectfully instead of Don't be rude , Yield instead of Don't stand there -let me sit etc .;
- When you instill a rule, for example, to be honest, then follow it yourself. If you allow a hole in your own behavior, then not only nullify your attempts to assert this rule, but also lose credibility in the eyes of your son;
- Do not compare your child with someone with him;
- Do not quarrel in front of him. Your personal problems should not influence the boy's attitude towards any of the parents;
- Do not use pressure, either moral or physical - you still will not achieve a real effect, but only cripple the fragile psyche;
- Do not transfer your troubles and stress to the family - in such cases, children begin to think that they are not loved, because they have not done anything, but the parents still shout;
- Over time, move on to a new stage of caring for your treasure - reduce authority and include friendly interaction. You must be a friend to him so that he knows that you can come home with any problem;
- Remember that your child is an independent person. Be respectful of your baby's hobbies and desires.
raising a son from a real man
Considering the factors for your boy's happiness, you also need to take into account the fact that much today in the phrase real guy is exaggerated and is more motivated not by a real need, but by Hollywood films. We are all accustomed to seeing in blockbusters and films about love a man who knows how to drive a helicopter, walk through fire, maintain a calm expression on his face in a disastrous situation and speak little.
But think about it, is this the ideal that you would like to nurture?
After all, all these super-abilities have nothing to do with real life and only create the so-called prince complex. The kid looks at these stamped super-heroes and feels that he clearly falls short of the set bar. Your task is to protect the child as much as possible from such influence. A man should be firm and strong, but far from unemotional and in reality he doesn't need a helicopter. Find good, kind fairy tales for the baby that would cultivate courage and delight in the soul.
More than one generation has grown up on them, which proves that fairy tales have a positive effect. But, naturally, the question arises, who should raise a son, thwhy not overdo it, and not grow a polished dandy?
The kid should feel the firm hand of his father, who will guide and be an example to follow. And you need the warmth of a mother who will give tenderness and care. However, this does not necessarily work, moreover, it is not always possible to raise a child in a full-fledged family. How to educate in this case?
problems in raising a boy
There are a number of common questions, the answers to which will help you figure out how to raise boys as men:
- Aggressive behavior - what to do?
First of all, aggression is typical for both boys and girls alike. However, in the case of boys, aggression is a manifestation of vulnerability. Your child cannot openly say that he is offended by something or feels uncomfortable. If love is not felt, then fear and anxiety arise. And overreacting is a way of protecting and asserting yourself.
What's the way out?
Get used to physical activity and discipline. It will be best if these two points can be combined. Sports, which require regular training, will not only redirect aggression and help the boy find a way to assert himself, but already among his peers, but also provide him with good health and physical shape.
It is believed that the army disciplines best.
The question is controversial and your discretion remains. However, a good way out for an undisciplined boy would be a military school: patriotism, self-organization, and physical activity - all in one;
- Permanent denial - how to fight? If a teenager reacts hostilely to the family and peers, it means that he does not receive positive emotions in the family. Denial and trying to fight with friends or parents are the result of repressed emotions. Emotions are suppressed primarily by parents who apply moral standards: Don't jump like a goat - and stuff like that.
You should not express yourself in this way - the boy will have a misunderstanding why this should not be done, and why the parent is hostile to such behavior? It is better to redirect the energy of the fidget to a different, more effective channel. For boys, wrestling or dancing is perfect - mobile, but skillful sports that will definitely come in handy in life. Remember that the emotional background that you yourself create will be the model of behavior first for the baby, and then for the teenager;
- Disrespecting elders . Children, not yet realizing themselves, are looking for a way to establish themselves. If the parents are not an authority in the family, then the future man will be approved by them.
But authority is not expressed in excessive severity, punishment or raising one's voice. You must apply atmeasures and do what you demand from others. At the same time, it is important not to get overwhelmed by screaming and using physical force - the one who hurts is an enemy, not a hero who you want to imitate.
Mutual understanding and mutual respect is the key to the boy behaving respectfully;
- Lack of desire to learn . This is inherent in almost all children. And everything, again, starts with the parents. Not only with your personal lifestyle, but also with your son's attitude towards studies. If you go into connivance with the phrase You will grow up ignorant! Do what you want! , - the impudent person just smiles and goes to do what he wants . And if you shout and use force, there will be a barrier to learning.
Find a middle ground. Children often do not do something, not because they absolutely do not want to, but simply to do the opposite;
- Excessive shyness - how should a father bring up a son so that he is not afraid to communicate with peers? It is in this case that attention is needed. Boys are just as shy as girls.
A father can talk about problems from a masculine position, explain how to find a common language with other boys and how to approach a girl correctly. A good example would be the attitude of a father to his wife.
How to raise a son without a father
A full-fledged family is not always there, but the question of how to raise a son so that a boy grows up as a worthy man still remains.
There are some important rules for single mothers here:
- A son will not know about the uncomfortableness of an incomplete family if you do not tell him about it yourself. Many mothers raise their children alone and are very successful in this, which once again confirms that a child can be quite comfortable with his mother. The main thing is to remember that you do not have to be all of him - you are a mother, do not try to be a father in one person. It won't work for you;
- Don't give your son a negative impression of your father if you split up or your husband left you. Don't tell your baby that he was abandoned - it leaves a deep and painful imprint on the mind. Again, with such behavior you indicate the inferiority of your family, while you can give absolutely comfortable conditions;
- There should be a man's authority - set your uncle, grandfather, friend as an example. Show that there are worthy people in the family and the boy can match them. Watch good cartoons together and read fairy tales - fictional characters often influence children's minds more strongly than real people;
- Don't be overly concerned. In order not to grow up mama's son , and this often happens in single-parent families, give the boy the opportunity to decide and take care of himself. Teach responsibility and independence - this develops masculine qualities well. The child will know that he will have to take over as head of the household whenwill grow up, which means it must be strong;
- Don’t lisp - this is a huge mistake in education;
- Let him sometimes see your weakness and take care of you. You are not iron, but he will learn compassion and empathy;
- Teach that household chores are not just my mother's responsibility;
- Your advice, especially when he begins his adolescence, will not always be convincing and correct: firstly, you are older, and secondly, the opposite sex. Find a person who would be an authoritative man and could sometimes suggest solutions to boy problems;
- Enroll the kid in the men's sections - football, wrestling, computer class, etc.
But most importantly, in a fit of attempts to make a real and worthy man out of your son, do not deprive him of his childhood years of care and affection.
Excessive rigor and workload will not give results - the best example to follow in the future family will be your own happy childhood.