Greece: Family life during the crisis | Made in Germany
Family life crises
In any marriage, crises of family life are inevitable: how do they come and why? Precisely why, not why. Asking why there is a crisis is like asking why people are developing. Both Western psychology, with its materialistic approach, and Eastern philosophy, which puts family relationships on a scale with eternity, agree that the meaning of human life is in the accumulation of new experience, and therefore in the development of personality.
Whether we like it or not, every person develops. And the family becomes the place where the difference in the rate of change is most noticeable. Someone takes off with a rocket, someone skids, someone deviates in the opposite direction ...
Sensitive family members react immediately: first with questions, then with indignation and an ultimatum. But people with thick skin may not notice for years where the family boat is sailing and what is happening to each of the spouses, and then get a form of crisis - and from surprise reject the relationship.
How to determine that a crisis in family relations has come:
- quarrels are noticeably more frequent, the couple has a feeling that, despite reconciliation, they do not exhaust the conflict to the end every time;
- intimate life suffers - both feel cold and withdrawn;
- the worst sides of character appear - selfishness, distrust, resentment, greed;
- the circle of relatives and friends splits into those who sympathize with the husband or wife;
- material concerns begin to occupy all thoughts and conversations of the spouses.
What crises are there in family life? You don't need to be a psychologist to know about the popular periodization of marriage relations.
Crash on takeoff: as it turned out ...
The crisis in the first year of family life is ridiculously simple and looks the same for almost all couples. Spouses begin to notice that everyone is no longer behaving as wonderful as before the wedding: a cultural intellectual drinks beer on the couch, and a glamorous hostess hangs on the phone in a scarf with curlers.
They look at each other in amazement and are passionately indignant that they did not imagine everything so to themselves and that, it turns out, they are so different. And they are desperately trying to make each other become the same - interesting, gentle, ready for anything for love.
Leaving asidecases when the spouse really turned out to be a monster and you urgently need to save yourself from him by divorce, then it is worth remembering that by concluding a marriage, the bride and groom promised each other to be together in different trials. Disappointment is one of them. Women tend to argue: they didn’t get married in order to divorce a year later. But husbands do not want to give up on the first try, partly out of love for a woman, partly not wanting to lose the comfort of the family hearth, to which they have already become accustomed.
In any case, the desire to save the marriage must be supported by all means both in yourself and in your spouse. When the whole life is ahead, the argument works well - we will always have time to divorce.
What should a husband and wife work on? The main factor of the crisis at this stage is irritation, which arises more and more often. You need to fight it both inside yourself and outside - communicating with your partner. Don't like how your husband sits at the computer during the weekend?
To say this bluntly, offering a delicious dinner in exchange for a walk. And inside, learn to love him for who he is. The task of the first year is to pay off unreasonably high demands on the spouse and develop tender love.
We are three years old. Did you order the scandal?
Overcoming the crisis of 3 years in family life depends on the successes and achievements in the past difficult period. If a couple has not learned to get along with each other, then now they will have to be especially difficult.
The secret of the third year is that the grinding of characters has not ended, it continues at a new level. And what the couple seemed to be accustomed to returned with a vengeance.
As a rule, a husband and wife managed to do a lot of good for each other during these three years. And it is easy to undermine the atmosphere of love and respect in the home simply by relying on the desire to receive a fair reward for your work.
Another scourge of the three-year crisis is the feeling of one's holy righteousness. But this is precisely the answer for the spouses: at this stage it is important to realize that the criticizing husband is right, and the scandalous wife is also right, because everyone carries their own human truth within themselves.
Another thing, but where is the love? The lesson to be learned is about love, which covers all the most just reproaches and accusations. And again - learn to listen and hear your other half!
Five-year plan in the family: the first pound of salt
Few people know that a pound of salt is proverbial, in other words, two people eat a real 16 kilograms of this seasoning in just five years. Husband and wife got to know each other quite well and went to different critical situations. Their families became close or, conversely, quarreled. Surely there were children. That is, the microclimate is established.
A woman feels that a veil has fallen from her eyes relative to her husband - he is clearly not a prince on a white horse, but he is not devoid of dignity either. The husband gave up his habit of scolding his wife over trifles and stopped worrying and proving his status in the family. Many problems have been resolved, but ... Skoonly not done! If a man is not going through the crisis of family life for 5 years, then he most likely has a feeling that patience is running out.
An established household hierarchy may fundamentally contradict his desires and ideas about himself. And if you change something, he thinks, then right now, because there is no point in delaying further.
What if there are no children yet or their presence does not hold back the spouses and the marriage is bursting at the seams? Psychologists say that the only way to get out of the crisis that has come is to learn to thank each other.
Right now, the spouses must realize how much good they have already invested in their union. What unfulfilled promises and unfulfilled plans can be so important to cross out the love and warmth that they received in the family?
Serious seven years: wait ... yourself or him?
crisis of family relations has a special face for 7 years - mature and experienced. The couple knows how to extinguish the flash inside and together overcome difficulties outside the family. So what's the problem?
If there is a syndrome of postponed life discussed by psychologists several years ago, then here it comes powerfully and inevitably in one or both of them at once.
The advantage of a seven-year marriage is that a man and a woman managed to rise above the passions, which from the very beginning attracted them to each other and pushed them together. The downside is that most married couples see in this not an achievement of a higher love, but a cooling.
The trouble comes in the form of lovers and mistresses, an illusory beginning, as when passion was seething and everything was new. At this stage, the loyalty of the spouses becomes a treasure that can help both keep the promises made to each other seven years ago.
Even if conversations do not lead to anything, you can overcome this difficult period with the help of love for the family and endurance. Sometimes the only wise decision is to wait for the spouse or spouse to go through adolescence and catch up with the partner in a higher awareness of the relationship. The surge of selfishness will surely pass, and a new quality of peace in the family will be established for a long time.
Be wise and learn to appreciate your loved ones, and then no crisis will be terrible for you!