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Big difference in age

In the modern world, views on relationships in a couple have become more democratic than before. Although most spouses are of the same generation (age difference of 10 years or less), few people will be surprised by the large age difference between the couple. This topic arouses constant public interest and is often discussed in the circle of psychologists, in magazines and on talk shows.

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Flashback

Big difference in age

Until several centuries ago, the ratio of couples from the same generation to those with a difference of 20 years or more was exactly the opposite of the current situation.

Marriages in which the husband could suit his wife as fathers, and sometimes even grandfathers, were considered the norm. It happened that the age difference was 30 years!

Maintaining a family was considered a great responsibility, so only after a man lived a decent life, earned a certain capital and reputation in society, he decided to marry. In such a situation, the choice was in favor of young brides capable of giving birth to healthy children.

When choosing a husband or wife, they looked primarily not at compatibility by age difference, but at the wealth and status of the groom, as well as the beauty, health and homeliness of the bride.

Positive aspects

What do unequal couples find for themselves in terms of maturity? Men, as a rule, are attracted by beauty, cheerfulness, youthfulness of a girl.

Against her background, a man feels healthier and younger. In addition, status in society plays an important role for every man. A young wife can be perceived as a kind of trophy, a status highlight of her husband.

In turn, in mature companions girls are attracted by intelligence, life experience, financial independence. Psychologists believe that in her chosen one a woman can subconsciously see the image of her father, especially when there is a difference in the age of 30 years. But such role transfer is possible even with a smaller age distance.

It would seem that the union should be perfect due to the fact that the partners complement each other. Indeed, beauty and intelligence, maturity and a certain frivolity of youth, experience and dreams - together create a wonderful picture.

However, not everything is so simple, there are pitfalls that can ruin a seemingly wonderful future.

Underwater reefs

Why are there suchDo other people, who have a difference of 20 years or more, strive to be together? Psychologists try to consider the underlying motives of such a choice.

If a mature man seeks to find only a young girl for himself, then one or more ulterior motives may be present:

Big difference in age
  • he competes with his friends (whoever has a younger girlfriend is the winner, the stronger male);
  • a man is infantile, he wants to connect life with a companion younger than him, hoping that she will be under his control in everything (if the age difference is 10 years or more, it is difficult for a woman to oppose her opinion to the wishes of her husband);
  • the partner wants to mold an ideal image for himself, to re-educate the chosen one;
  • against the background of a young wife, a mature husband looks younger and healthier.

The same motives can be present in women. Nowadays, marriages in which a woman is much older than her chosen one have become more frequent.

Ill-wishers may say that the beloved acts as a son or gigolo, uses a partner for selfish motives. A woman, as a rule, is accused of being infantile, wanting to rejuvenate at the expense of the chosen one, to hide the signs of aging.

It is difficult for such couples to stay together for a long time. On the one hand, spouses may face the fact that a wife cannot give birth to a son or daughter to her young husband, and on the other hand, a woman will feel growing discomfort from the fact that she is gradually losing her attractiveness.

Fearing that she will be abandoned, the spouse can become extremely jealous, suspicious and even hysterical. The situation is aggravated by the sidelong glances of compassionate friends and colleagues, and sharp remarks from relatives.

Big difference in age

What happens if a couple doesn't fully understand the ulterior motives in the relationship?

Of course, it is impossible to re-educate another. You also cannot endlessly increase self-esteem at the expense of a partner. A young wife may reproach her husband for not going to dances and parties with her, and the husband may unsuccessfully try to re-educate his wife, constantly teach her wisdom, consider her windy.


A psychologically mature man or woman will be more comfortable and interesting if the age difference is less than 6 years old - then the couple has more common topics for communication, a closer life position due to belonging to the same generation.

Sexy background

The peaks of sexual activity in men and women occur in different years. Men are most active at 19-22 years old, women at 28-30 years old. Sometimes older women subconsciously choose young and active guys.

This gives a 6-year age difference - ideal in terms of sexual temperament. Young girls and mature men can also coincide in sexual requests, since the partner's needs are not yet great, and her chosen one has already passed the peak of his activity. You need to understand that over timeproblems may arise in the spouses' bedroom when the woman reaches her maturity.

Compatibility by age difference depends not only and not so much on sexual appetite, but on the relationship in a couple.

Only with a sincere desire to give, and not only receive, invest energy in relationships, listen and understand a partner, are long-term happy relationships possible.

As soon as selfish motives and manipulative strategies begin to dominate the relationship, the future of the couple becomes threatened.

Things to remember to keep your relationship alive

In order for partners belonging to different generations to maintain their relationship for a long time, you must first of all trust each other and not listen to ill-wishers. You need to sculpt happiness with your own hands. Here are just some tips on how to maintain your relationship with the age gap.

1. Don't get hung up on numbers

We need to forget about numbers and behave appropriately to the situation. Sometimes a 20-year-old girl can behave quite mature. The magic of relationships is in the personality of the partners, their attitude to the here and now.

2. Recognize that the chosen one belongs to a different generation

In a situation where, say, the age difference is 20 years, one cannot dismiss the fact that partners belong to different generations with their own mental characteristics. Growing up at different times, on specific films, in different political eras, husband and wife have deep psychological differences that, at least, must be realized.

He who is forewarned is armed. Understanding the differences allows a couple in love to adjust to each other.

3. Find common interests

If a man and a woman have been together for a long time, it means that they are kept by common interests. It is worth understanding what unites a couple, concentrating on common views and hobbies, rallying, forgetting about the backbiting of ill-wishers.

4. Fight for a relationship

The big age difference makes you wonder what the couple's motives are. It is worth taking a sober look at the situation, analyzing your feelings and thoughts. If a tender affection rests only on the fact that a man is wealthy, provides the rear, then it is unfair to him to continue such a relationship.

Sooner or later, the situation will get out of control, the secret will become apparent. If the thoughts are pure, and the feelings are really strong, you should make every effort to keep love.

5. Seek support

It is much easier to maintain a relationship if the couple is supported by close people - friends and family. If you find those like-minded people who will be sympathetic to the fact that lovers have a significant age difference, it is much easier to withstand the inevitable crises and domestic conflicts.

6. Stay Confident

Without self-confidence and high self-esteem, it is easy to give up at the very first friction. There is no need to be ashamed of the fact that your partner is much older or younger. This is how life has developed and the heart commands, which means that the choice is justified.

There are many ways to preserve love where different generations have joined together.

Most likely, for some time it will be quite difficult to resist public opinion and smooth out internal roughness in communication with the chosen one. But love works wonders, sincere feelings will overcome any obstacles!

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